Life is Like That

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 So... I have no idea who will read this, if anyone, however I'm going to write it because I need to.

Ten years ago I sat with Wendy Faye as she received the difficult diagnosis that she had triple negative breast cancer. We were both gutted, overwhelmed, scared, confused, and all the other emotions that have no names.

WF, as WF, faced it with grace, determination, courage, faith, and a fair amount of grit... ok a lot of grit.

I watched her go through the suffering that can be chemotherapy. I witnessed her endure the pain of surgery and recovery. I beheld the life sucking, energy sapping treatment that is radiation.

She came out the other side with life changing physical issues. But she came out the other side.

For a time.

All of that treatment, pain, suffering gave her, gave us, another two years. Then that vicious disease returned with a vengeance and once again I became a witness to the last few months of her life.

Now... almost 7 years after her death... Now...

It's my turn.

In the past few weeks I have had many physical exams, many scans, many pokes, prods, investigations; and, out of all that it has been discovered that I have a bilious carcinoma. This is a cancer on or near the bile duct and pancreas.

This is an extremely dangerous cancer.

I took this news in the same way I did ten years ago: I am gutted, overwhelmed, scared, confused, and full of all the other emotions that have no names.

It is my hope and prayer that I too will meet this disease with grace, determination, courage, faith, and lot of grit.

I also know I do not do this alone. I have the support of my loving wife, my beloved daughter, my dear friends, and a host of doctors, nurses, and so many others. I go where millions have gone before me into the unknown with some fear but as Master Sergeant Farrell in Edge of Tomorrow said, "...its all right to be scared. Remember there is no courage without fear."

My fear is tempered with all the love, care, support, prayer, wishes, of so many people. My fear is tempered by the examples of those who went before me into this dark place. My fear is tempered with my own faith and good humour (hence the quote from a SF film).

I am young (ish), strong (ish), and have so many other things going for me that will stand me in good stead heading into the hell storm that is coming.

I humbly ask that you pray for me and for all who endure the Emperor of all Maladies (a book that WF read during her ordeal and one I plan to read during my journey down that rugged path).

As the days go by and as my strength and health will allow I hope to document this time in my live through this medium. Again, I have no idea if anyone will actually read this, however, I'm going to write it anyway because I need to.

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